Mentoring: The Words We Use (Matter)

We have all heard the proverb: Give a person a fish and you’ll feed them for a day; show them how to fish and you’ll feed them for a lifetime.

The maxim has application in many aspects of the practice of law, no less when it comes to mentorship—a ‘soft skill’ that we know can powerfully impact lawyers’ careers and strengthen workplace culture, but one that is hard to measure. Yet, the research is clear, setting concrete goals and infusing structure into the mentorship process is a key determinant in its success.

There is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach to mentorship. Whatever the approach, it should be grounded in a mentor’s sincere interest in guiding someone’s career and be more than irregular visits over coffee or loose semi-annual reviews. What’s best? That’s hard to say. There is a range of mentorship approaches and ‘buzz words.’ One cannot be faulted for being hesitant to pick an approach and (just) start. But just starting and overcoming any analysis paralysis is key when it comes to mentorship. We may not have all the answers but, borrowing from the world of SMART goal setting, we do have some suggestions—or at least some words to keep in mind as you seek to bring structure to your mentoring relationships.

SMART goals are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. For this discussion, we are going to swap out relevant (everything we do is relevant, right?) and time-bound (frankly, there has to be a better word) and replace them with repeatable and timely. Below, we touch on these concepts as they might guide your approach to mentoring.

Specific. As you converse with your mentee, exploring your practices, interests and community, you will identify important activities and goals. These can range from business development activities—client meetings, pitches, lunches—to professional competencies—drafting a pleading or an affidavit, an opinion, or conducting examinations. Jointly preparing a specific list of activities that will benefit your mentee and the mentoring relationship increases clarity, buy-in, and commitment to those goals.

When formulating the list, ask questions. Why? Why am I doing these things? Am I doing too many? This is where a mentor can help. It is better to use a funnel approach early in the process—for example, joining IPIC and other organizations to see which you might enjoy—whereas later you may be more exacting as to where best to deploy your limited time. Making a deselection decision to walk away from an activity is as much a specific goal as is the decision to pursue one.

Measurable.  As professionals, many of us love checklists and metrics. Specific, measurable activities lead to box ticking, whereas general goals do not. Start with things that are easily measured: when are you going to meet and what are you going to talk about? Booking regular times to meet, using an agenda and action item lists will help guide you.

To facilitate measurement, avoid generalizations. For example, “raising your profile” is far less helpful (if helpful at all) than “find an IPIC committee that interests you and join it.” Measurable action items are purposeful if used as progressive benchmarks toward longer term goals. Here’s an easy one: put a box to tick each week for thinking through your action items.

Achievable. Many of us are proud of our multitasking and time management acumen. But generating an overly ambitious list of action items can be daunting. Help your mentees to be realistic. Curate a mix of easy wins and stretch goals. If the ultimate goal is to serve as an IPIC committee leader, achievable first goals are signing up for entry level involvement and showing up. We call these backward goals – breaking down longer term goals into stepping-stone activities. Sometimes the brainstorming that comes from talking about general goals will spell out the path of backward goal-setting. So don’t be afraid to think big—but remember to act small.

Repeatable. We build competence and confidence through repetition. Ensure that enumerated goals are ‘repeatable’ in the sense that they occur through hard work and planning and could be repeated if that hard work and planning is replicated. Anyone can take out an old classmate to a dinner or a sporting event. But can you put in place plans to meet with contacts you don’t know well? Once your mentee cracks that nut once, they will have greater confidence to do it again and again. Repeatable activities are often those that are broken down and therefore specific (check), measurable (check), and achievable (check). Checks build confidence (check).

Timely. We are all on the clock, up against deadlines, living under the weight of tariffs and dockets. We also are painfully aware that if we don’t tackle things in a timely way, there is a probability that they may fall away. Timeliness is key in mentorship. Hit your timing marks (your regular meetings) and your quality marks (did you do what you said you would do). Would your mentee benefit from working with a colleague? Send the email with the mentee in the room. If you are the mentor, ask the mentee to follow up with you to make sure you have done what you said you would do. Also, be creative when looking for teachable experiences. For example, recently a senior colleague at another firm arranged a lunch, and we brought our mentees along to participate, which made the engagement so much more rewarding and enjoyable.

While on the topic of words, we also thought it would be useful to compile a list of ‘bad words,’ that we should avoid in the mentorship context.

• Don’t respond to issues by gaslighting (“What did you do to cause this reaction?”) or by relying on the related sin of making this about yourself (“I’ve never had a problem with them like you’ve described.”) Listen, seek to understand, and work together to develop an actionable plan to overcome issues as they arise.
• Don’t let the unknown stop you. We are doing new things all the time. Put in place SMART goals to help you overcome any fears, anxiety, nervousness, or negative feelings. We never see the path ahead of us lit the whole way to our destination. But all we need is a bit of light shining on the steps in front of us to keep going.
• Procrastination. Don’t put off today what you will put off tomorrow. Chances are that if you are procrastinating, you need a conversation about making the goals more defined and easier to tackle. We are all busy, so don’t beat yourself up for not moving forward every day. But don’t let inertia reign.  
• Fear of disappointing. Resist the urge to cancel mentorship meetings because you are not ready, or because life has intervened in preventing you from doing what you said you would do. Your struggle to achieve results is a very worthy topic of conversation. Being open in this way builds empathy which is key to communicating.
• Fear of change. It is important to realize when something is not working. As you work through your mentorship goals, jettison those that aren’t working and reflect. This builds resiliency and serves as in important check on the relationship. Participants are supposed to be meaningful contributors, as opposed to two passive dupes hopelessly joined on the Road to Nowhere. Check in with a trusted advisor to determine whether your program, and your mentor/menteee, are working for you.
• Impatience. It’s normal that we want to see instant results. We are paid to find efficient and effective solutions. However, mentorship takes time. Relationships are like gardens. They take time to grow after seeding—and require constant watering and weeding. So, chances are, if the mentorship relationship isn’t thriving, it is either a function of needing more attention or simply more time.

And now, to finish using good words: Keep at it and have fun!